Tired...

If anyone knows me at all, they know that math was never my forte. In fact, if anything, math was one of my major weaknesses. If there is anything that brings fear, self-loathing, self-doubt, and just plain anger to my mind, it's math.
Now many, many hurdles have been taken down as far as learning math goes. I've learned to slow down, and just do what I know, and take it from there. But, I still have a long way to go, especially with the level of math that I'm trying to learn right now. Which is Calculus, and let me say right here, right now, that not in any of my years as a student, would I have ever seen myself even attempting Calculus, which in of itself is a huge accomplishment.
But there comes a time, and I can feel mine sneaking up right now, that you hit a breaking point. I have retaken classes, I have attended every extra study session, and tutor sessions possible, and of course all of those have put where I am right now. But, it's beginning to feel like nothing will help me ever completely "get" this subject.
And that is what makes me feel extremely tired, and wonder if I have my priorities straight. I am going through a period of wondering whether a Science Degree is for me. As much as I want one, and as much as I have believed ever since I was a kid that-that is what I was going to do with my life; I'm beginning to think that I'm hitting my limitations.
And what really pisses me off, is that this is the only area that is holding me back. This...one...little...subject.
I have never felt so mentally tired in my life. Sure my junior year of high school was no picnic either...but, I guess I'm just sick of feeling there's more that I could be doing, when really I have no idea what else I could do! Except retake the class, which, is going to be what I need to do.
I have always wondered what I was really good at, and I usually come up with two things: working with animals, and art.
And those two things really have nothing to do with each other...LOL
Maybe an art major is really what I'm meant to do, being a Graphic Designer has always intrigued me, and maybe that will be something I will keep on the back burner for now.
But right now, I'm not going to quit until I have done everything possible to get by math.
Here's to stupid determination. LOL
OK, so this was probably really depressing. But it feels good to unload it.